My Story (and I'm sticking to it!)

Part One: A Rush Fan Is Born

And that, mein froinds, is a spot-on picture of me as a 13 year old Rush fan in 1981. I was perfectly happy with my solitary life. I had the freedom to develop my own thoughts and feelings about Rush without being influenced by family and friends.


My first feeling as I listened to Exit Stage Left was being captivated by how exotic and strange the music was. My next feeling was frustration from not knowing what the band members looked like. To fill the void I studied the liner notes with cliffhanger interest trying to decipher the inside jokes and cryptic references. What exactly was a "bus and truck face"? A "personal shreve"??

Just when I was about to abandon all hope, I hit pay dirt with the Exit Stage Left concert video. Not only could I see the band members' faces, I could see them walking, talking, and performing! It amazed me that three guys who played such loud, aggressive music were so quiet and soft-spoken. My first impression of Neil was that he was really smart and really intense. Geddy was all hair and and legs and my God could his pants have been any tighter? (Us girls notice things like that). And then there was Alex, the blonde cutie from Permanent Waves. I started taking guitar lessons after watching ESL. Instead of practicing scales or some other boring assignment from my real guitar teacher, I practiced Alex's fret work during the intro to The Trees. My real teacher did show me how to play the individual notes in the Spirit Of Radio intro. :O)

Opening sequence to Exit Stage Left video.

My classical guitar lesson from Exit Stage Left. :O)

For the next few months I filled in the gaps in my Rush library with Fly By Night, 2112, the debut record, and Moving Pictures (alas, no Caress of Steel). I didn't get fan magazines with Rush articles; it was just me, the music, and the Exit Stage Left video. Then the band released a new record in 1982 called Signals that quite frankly confused the crap out of me. I had gotten used to a certain type of sound in Rush music and this new record didn't sound like that. I did like the song Countdown because it was about them visiting my home state of Florida to watch the launch of the space shuttle Columbia. My interest dropped off after that. Other than seeing the Red Sector A video on MTV in 1985 and buying audio tapes of A Farewell to Kings and Hemispheres in the early 1990's I was completely out of the loop. But Fate would bring Rush back into my life in a most unexpected way, at a most unexpected time.

Part Two: Pressure Point

2004 was a rough year for me. I was at the tail end of an energy-depleting, confidence-shattering, patience-testing internet drama caused by disenfranchised REO Speedwagon "fans", and I use that word VERY loosely. My preferred method of dealing with unpleasentness is to walk away from it, or if I can't walk away, ignore it. I tried to stay focused on positive developments in my own life, such as my relationships with the REO band members (we had met in July 1996 through my volunteer work with one of their fan clubs) but it was an uphill battle. When people are that angry and that determined to be disruptive, there's not much you can do to stop them.


Throughout most of this cyber terrorism campaign I faced occasional attacks via e-mail and on message boards. Everything changed in September 2004 when one of the haters crossed the line into my personal life. An anonymous e-mail was sent to my parents and a select group of their business associates, calling their attention to content about REO in my online diary that the e-mail's author judged to be inappropriate. I tried to find out the real life identity of the sender: the e-mail host company would not release that information without a court order. My family was understandably upset and we did immediate damage control. However, it was clear that I couldn't ignore this problem any more. I had just started a new job as a real estate agent two months earlier and I was worried about this anonymous e-mailer trying to contact my boss. The only way to protect myself and my family was to shut all my websites down and disconnect completely from my REO life. I didn't want to take such an extreme route but these were extreme circumstances. I had run out of options.

Part Three: Grace Note

By the fall of 2005, my self-imposed REO exile was in full swing, and I was miserable. In the midst of this my thoughts inexplicably turned to Rush. I hadn't been an active fan in 24 years but my memories of them were happy and I needed happy fan memories to soothe my frazzled nerves. I decided to do one quick Google search, visit a few Rush websites, and leave it at that. Just a few hours of mindless amusement to take a break from my worries. Within ten minutes I found The National Midnight Star Mirror.


When I read the description of what happened with the National Midnight Star on the home page I almost fell out of my chair. After the initial shock wore off I started to worry that the NMS Mirror was a hoax perpetrated by the "bad fans" to reactivate the drama. I attempted to e-mail Meg and Jimmy but both e-mails were returned as unknown recipients. I then posted a message to them on my MSN Spaces blog.

I spent the next few months building up my Rush CD and DVD library, revisiting old favorites and discovering new ones. Neil Peart's book Ghost Rider: Travels On The Healing Road was one of my first purchases and the perfect how-to guide for the uncertain path I was now embarking on. I don't know the first thing about motorcycles but I know why Neil needed to take that trip. I know what he means when he says "what a fool I used to be", and I also know what he means by his "little baby soul". Whether your loss happens as a result of a car accident, terminal illness, or angry rock fans competing for a band's attention, the end result is the same and you have to make peace with it.

A month after I finished reading Ghost Rider, I got a hitch in my giddyup and called Rush's management office in Toronto to ask about writing snail mail letters to the band. A very nice lady named Gloria gave me the office address and said that I could send letters to the band there. I asked if they read their fan mail personally. She said they did. I said "Cool!" Geddy received his first letter from me the following week. I'm still writing to the guys today, four years later. It's a blessing to be able to communicate with them privately, off line, where I can be myself and not have to worry about yenta fans interfering.


The next book I got after Ghost Rider was Contents Under Pressure by Martin Popoff. I liked the fact that it was authorized by the band, therefore I would be able to trust the information in it. I spent a lot of time on the official Rush website and Power Windows expanding my Rush education and laughing my ass off at Alex and Ged's short animated videos. The band's sense of humor helped my healing process even more than the music.

Big Al's Tiki Bar, part 1

Big Al's Tiki Bar, part 2

Dukey The Dog Interviews Geddy, part 1

Dukey The Dog Interviews Geddy, part 2


By the spring of 2006 I was ready to create this website. I've had a blast with it these last three years; I like the stimulating creative challenges as a graphic designer and a writer. In the long run, though, I see the site as a springboard for bigger and better real life opportunities with Rush. If it ever meets that purpose I will shut it down, to protect the band's privacy and to be sensitive to other fans. I will also shut it down if it makes me a target for mishuggeneh Rush fans. Let's just say that the NMS Mirror was an effective distant early warning.

As for future opportunities with REO Speedwagon, only time will tell. I went to see them in April 2009 at the Hard Rock Live in Orlando, and I have their two newest records, Find Your Own Way Home from 2007 and Not So Silent Night: Christmas With REO Speedwagon from 2009. They look and sound happier than I've ever seen them and I miss them terribly. I hope that one day we can build a new history together but I won't be a nuchshlepper. That's why I never went backstage unless they gave me a backstage pass. In the meantime, my energies are focused on moving forward as a Rush fan, using this experience as a guide for future projects. Dealing with unstable fans is an ongoing challenge for professional musicians; maybe I can be of assistance in that department (I will earn my Bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice by October 2010). Sink or swim, pass or fail, I want to do so on my own merits.


I would like to close with a Rush song that captures how I'm thinking and feeling at this moment in time.

The Pass from Presto (1989)

Thanks for playing along, kids. See you on the Blog.

P.S. I bought Signals again in March 2006 and immediately fell in love with it! Ergo, it no longer confuses me. :O)

Hope and Presto were imported from CD's

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